Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I'm feeling really old

I have the ever popular SAD, self diagnosed of course. I think everyone thinks they have it because it is so difficult to remain upbeat and cheery when the weather is so cold and dreary (I'm so sorry that rhymed.) But I typically have a rather gloomy disposition to begin with. I guess i've never outgrown my teen angst and it's a shame, really, as I've long outgrown being an actual teenager.

Usually, my winter doldrums don't flare up until closer to Thanksgiving what with all the holidays (which have been marred beyond repair by my upbringing) and my birthday in January and the new year which is never new, etc, etc, etc followed by months more of black snow and ice and sleet.

I've been feeling really old lately. Partly I guess because the average girl blogger is 22, uniquely stunning, and about 115 pounds. I'm getting the inferiority complex from the blogs I read, which normally would be reserved for celebrities of some sort. It's so much worse to know real girls look like this, without stylists, personal trainers, permanant airbrushing.

these things have made me feel old.....

* I was talking to a co worker about movies and mentioned Natural Born Killers. Which she had never heard of. Because she was in kindergarten when it came out. We have a completely different set of cultural markers.

* Vanity. People have been guessing my age at 25 when only last year they put me at 20. this means I have aged 5 years in the last year. I blame the economy.

*The clothes that i wore in high school, for which I was tortured and ridiculed, have come back into style. Teen angst on runways.

* Someone asked me how I met my husband and I was deeply ashamed to admit it was on myspace. Not because we met on the internet, but because Myspace now seems especially juvenile and embarrassing to me. Not like facebook is any better. I guess it justfelt like a dated reference.

*I rented Sweeney Todd the other night and realized that I've had an ongoing school girl crush on Johnny depp for...21 years. How is that even possible?

Interspersed in this rant, are some pictures of sunny days, from my vacation, mostly Paris, because London and Amsterdam look a lot like here. I hope these pictures helped to keep your spirits high as you read through all this junk.


  1. Don't be downheartened, Age genuinely is just a number!
    And you met on myspace? That's actually really cute :') ♥

  2. You are made of win and awesome. Even while you are ranting you make me love you more and am endeared by you. I have to impart to you my latest age stories. They will make you feel loads better :p

  3. aw! don't be!!! you have no reason to feel that way. i'm most certainly not 115 pounds - i wish i was!!
    just be confident and that'll show, its what i try to do!
    i know what you mean about winter though, but christmas is just around the corner - yay! x

  4. I understand what you mean about winter, I feel exactly the same way. There's actually a theory about evolutionary hangovers from agricultural societies which looks at when people's bodies go into a semi-hibernation state because in the past humans couldn't grow as much food in winter, which effects your serotonin levels...and I'm probably boring you with my nerdiness now but it always makes me feel better to know that maybe my winter blues can be blamed on science and biology.

    But just think, you've been to Paris!! I'm soooo jealous.